Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
