After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
