Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize