Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
this is an emotional support booty call
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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