the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
