no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
