He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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