I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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