I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize