I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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