I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
