They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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