I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
