Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
