Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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