Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
