I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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