My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
