so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
