i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
