Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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