I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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