wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
