You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
