Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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