More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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