You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
