I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
