Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You have to summon your inner elephant
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
