i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My cat gives me a boner
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
