i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
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He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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