shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
