its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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