I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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