I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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