I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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