i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
