fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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