The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
