we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
