this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
