Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
