So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
