sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
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On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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