The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
