just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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