if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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