I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
