I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
