You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
