I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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