I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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