seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
