everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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