Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
