There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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