just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
