did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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