I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize