dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
