Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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