I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My vagina just recognized that song.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
