Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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