Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
