your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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