I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
