she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
