Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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