Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
