I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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