Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
