the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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