how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you didnt know i had herpes?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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