I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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