i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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