Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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